When It is Hard to Make Spiritual Journaling a Habit

I'll be the first to admit it is hard to pick up a pen, or a keyboard, every day and commit to doing something like spiritual journaling. I've written on it before, and I'd like to be able to sit here and say it is something I have done every day without fail... but that's not true.

I used to write when I felt led, which was sporadically, especially when very busy from work. This morning, out of curiosity and knowing I hadn't used it in a while, I went to pick up the journal and look at it. The fact it was buried under some computer manuals at my desk (I've had a lot of computer problems lately) was not a good sign.

Sure enough the last date is: 10/27/2008.

Nearly a year ago???

It's also interesting to me what the last entry is about. I don't mind mentioning it because I referred to it in the past in this blog. My last entry revolves around examining things when I heard that my first spiritual teacher, and also a founding member of my in-person Creative Words to Spread the Word group, suffered a major stroke that would quickly take her life. I wonder what she'd think of me, not practicing well what I've tried to preach.

Part of me wants to say it is all the personal struggles I've suffered the last year that have kept me from being the most effective I can. I've been thrown a lot of curveballs personally and professionally. Yet, instead of using Spiritual Journaling to get closer to God and work through things, I threw it aside and locked it away. That's not to say I wandered away from my faith, but I will say I don't think I've been taking full advantage of it.

Why? Perhaps because I was too afraid to face some truth... or Truth.

My journal was started March 2006. It's not quite half done. March and April 2006 are exercises suggested by a book on Spiritual Journaling by Richard Peace that I was trying on my own (but designed for groups). After that, I have a couple entries from 2006 with a single focus then jump to a bunch in 2007 followed by a handful in 2008 with again a different but single focus.

Which leads me to ask, when does feeling led end up feeling conflicted by our own human fears?

And following that, even though this is more public than private, more electronic than handwritten, is what I've just written any less a form of spiritual journaling?

I'm happy to share my knowledge, but I certainty don't want to come off as some type of perfect saint on the matter, because I'm not. We can grow on this adventure together.

Comments welcome.